Today's Thoughts

This is my first time attempting to "blog". My wife introduced me to this so I figured I would give it a try. I have had alot of thoughts lately. Beginning to face my mortality as I grow in age. I spend a good bit of my time looking forward and back. Planning for tomorrow and wishing I could change yesterday. My mistakes are many, my failures constant, and my success equally as prelevant. I literally worry myself sick at times. Other times I find myself surrounded by others, but still completely detatched and alone. I suppose this is life and we all have these moments. I have had many good thins happen along with many terrible things. I have in the past struggled with alcohol abuse and recently decided that I am done. I hope to be able to put the bottle down for good and live my life in a better way. I have also recently stopped cussing every other word. A wise man once told me if you have to cuss constantly then you don't really have much to say. I now believe that to be true. I have also recently rediscovered religion and God. I have in the past studied religion to find holes in the stories and never truly accepted the Word. Today I see many things in a different light. Nobody will make me the man I want to be. It is up to me to be the man, husband, and son that I want to be. I guess I have been a bit depressed lately. It's strange because I've never been one to get "depressed" about things. I now have a more positive outlook and trust that God will lead me through anything he puts before me. I know my faith could be stronger and everyday I am trying to grow closer to God. I have also recently become a Free Mason, and this has helped my outlook while me closer to God and my family. I hope to one day look back at my actions and be proud of the decisions I made, and find joy in the eyes of people who proudly admit that they call me a friend. Life isn't about being selfish or hoarding money and material items. It is about building lasting relationships with family and friends. All we have after death is a legacy and I hope to turn mine into a legacy worth having. I guess this is all I have to say today. These are my thoughts.. I don't often express them, but I am going to try to express them now.